if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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