hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
