Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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