just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
did i walk over a car last night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
