i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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