mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
