these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
