Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I am available for nakedness
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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