I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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