I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
