You just made me feel so damn special
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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