have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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