If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
