Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
