At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
