i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
