You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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