We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
