You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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