There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
