i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Someone shit on the floor
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
