my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
