New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
