why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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