she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
