You're a womanizer and a bitch.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
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I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
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I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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