she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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