I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i barfeds in our rink
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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