I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
