I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
