You can't special order awesome
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
