I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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