a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
