Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
