i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
