just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
