he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
