You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
