Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
