Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
