Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
