The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.