I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
