It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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