phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
