Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
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I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
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He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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