I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
