As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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