Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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