I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
