Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
