the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Terrible idea I love it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
