I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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