My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm jealous of your bromance
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
