Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
bring money and cleavage
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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