hotel room ftw
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
