so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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