My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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