i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
