i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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