capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
