he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
