Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
