I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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